Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Foster Care Update: Our kids are going home

My son asked me what today's date is. When I told him, he said he wished it could stay this day forever so the littles would never have to leave us. That same son just left my room after coming to me sobbing saying that he doesn't want them to leave and asking again why we can't just adopt them. I ask myself again if we made the right choice for our family when we decided to become foster parents.

We're being told that the kids will be returning home as soon as in a couple of weeks. I'm trying so hard to hold it together but every day it gets harder. As I held my crying son I told him all the things I keep telling myself. Things about them needing to be with their "mom" and how everything is in God's hands. What I really wanted to do was to tell him how bad this all sucks and how I don't know how I'm going to be able to make it through these next few weeks.

They started sleepovers with their mom last week and little brother's behavior has unbelievably regressed. On Friday he spent 4 hrs having a temper tantrum. Screaming, crying, and spiting at me. 2 hrs in the morning and 2 more at night. He was just so angry and there wasn't anything me or Jonathan could do to calm him. So I just sat on his bedroom floor and held him while he screamed and spit at me. He's usually very loving and this was unlike anything I've ever seen before. I'm sure it's just from the trauma of having to go back to his mom then back to me. But I torture myself thinking about how all this progress we've made in these past 5 months will be completely lost when he goes home. They have both come sooo far! But will any of it stick?! It doesn't help that their caseworker tells me all these negative things about their situation then in the next breath is telling me things are moving forward for them to leave. It's out of my control and that's a hard thing to wrap my brain around when we're talking about "my" kids.

So for now I'm just trying to enjoy now and not let those little cracks in my heart split open just yet. It's easy to say that God is in control. But it's another thing to believe it. I'm learning to trust Him enough to take my hands off the wheel...I may still have my pinkie finger on there right now. Baby steps :)

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Foster Care Update: Our First Placement part 2

You can find part 1 here

It's hard to put into words how dealing with little sister made me feel. Frustrated. Rejected. Sad. I spent day and night pouring myself into this little girl only for her to fight me every step!

I'm sure it was some sort of attachment disorder. I remember when I was picking her up from the hospital that first night. Even though she was very sick, she had no problems going from her mom's arms, to her caseworker's, to mine. Knowing that her behavior was "normal" didn't make it any easier for me. I'm going to be brutally honest when I say that I loved little sister. But I didn't really like her.

Then after the kids were with us for a couple of weeks, we were told they were being moved to a relative resource. A relative resource is someone who the bio parent have put on a list of homes they'd like the kids to be in instead of foster care. The people on the list do not have to be relatives but they have to pass a background check and their homes need to be checked out. Pretty much anyone can be approved to be a resource and I'm guessing that the people who do the home checks wear rose colored glasses after what we saw!

Without giving to many details, I was OK with the thought of the kids going to this new place. I liked the idea of them being able to spend more time with their mom and with people they knew. That was until I heard their caseworker's worries. Most of the time, the caseworker will do all the transporting but this time she asked us to meet her there with the kids. It was awful! The kid's didn't seem to recognize these people at all and when I saw the house and where they'd be sleeping, I almost broke down right there. Even though we had only known these babies for a short time, we loved them and it killed me to see little brother reaching up to Jonathan with his beautiful smile as we left them. *Even though the kids are sleeping upstairs right now, remembering that moment is bringing tears to my eyes.

As soon as we got back into the van to leave, we both were in tears. Ok...I was sobbing. It's amazing how quickly you can fall in love with someone. It honestly felt like I was morning a death. I would start crying at the drop of a hat. It would hit me out of the blue and I had no control over it. For a lot of people, this is exactly why they "could never do foster care". Or even if they become foster parents, they try and hold the kids in their home at arms length so it won't be so painful when they leave.

I hope I cry after every foster child leaves our home. It means that I loved them with my whole heart.

2 days later, the kid's caseworker called to ask me if we'd take the kids back. The placement didn't work out. My only question was WHEN can I go get them! It took a few days for all the paperwork to be done but when we finally went to pick up the kids, little brother was obviously excited to see us! As soon as we got him in the van he started asking for other other kids :) Little sister was indifferent.

We've had the kids for about 4 months now and the difference in little sister is amazing! She is completely off the bottle and mostly sleeping through the night. The attachment she has formed with me is almost overwhelming at times! She will hardly let anyone else hold her and follows me around the house alllll day. She would be in heaven if I would never put her down but sister weighs almost 25 pounds and my back is already killing me every night! She has become more of a "normal" one year old. Not so angry all the time. Her caseworker said she seems more serene :) I know that she wouldn't have had this much improvement if it weren't for God and the answered prayers.

Little brother is still a big teddy bear! A teddy bear who likes to bite sometimes and has some issues with food but is really a sweetie.

We have all fallen head over heels for these babies! I love them so much it scares me. It scares me because I know that it's only a matter of time before they leave us. But God has truly blessed us by putting them in our lives and I am grateful for the time we have.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Foster Care Update: Our first placement part 1

I have got to start writing again. That's what I've been saying to myself for almost 3 months! But being a foster parent is hard, yo! Like really hard. Before becoming a foster parent I would write at night after my kids went to bed. Now when everyone is in bed the last thing I want to do is to use my brain to do anything but push the play button on Netflix.

Two days after I wrote my last post we got our first placement. I got a call for the same 2 kids they asked about before, and again we said yes. We started preparing but a little while later I got another call telling me that they decided not to move them. I was a bit frustrated, but I took my oldest to a Christmas banquet at our church and said a prayer for the kids. After we had been there for a while I happened to glance at my phone and noticed I had a few missed calls. A caseworker left a message saying that they did want us to take the kids and asked if  I could come to the hospital asap to pick up the 10 month old!

The kids had been in 2 other placements before they came to us. The first one was with a relative resource and I'm not sure why that didn't work out. The next was with another foster family that the caseworker and the kid's mom had been having some concerns about. I guess the last straw was when little sister (the 10 month old) had to be taken to the hospital because she was very sick.

I remember shaking as I drove to the hospital alone. Jonathan met me at the church (which is close to the hospital) with a car seat but then had to take the rest of the kids home. It was about 9pm. When I walked into the pediatric emergency center I told them I was there to pick up little sister. When they asked me her last name I had a small panic attack! I told them I had no idea what her last name was and tried to explain the situation. Thankfully a nurse that had been working with little sister overheard and was able to take me to her room.

I didn't know mom would be there with the caseworker so walking in seeing her holding little sister made me that much more nervous! Little sister is not little by any means! Little sister was/is the size of a 2 year old! The poor baby was really sick but had improved in the time she had spent in emergency and would be ready to go "home" soon. Mom was cordial but she was very leery of me and the entire situation. I didn't blame her. The caseworker and mom filled me in on how little sister ended up in the hospital and what treatment she had received, and before I knew it they were both leaving and mom was putting this baby in my arms. I was freaking out on the inside but on the outside I was trying to seem calm as I tried to assure mom that I would keep her baby safe.

After they left, I sat there for probably 2 more hours as we waited to be discharged and doctors filled me in on how to give her certain medicines. They asked me questions about her that I couldn't answer and I had to remind a couple of them that I had only just met little sister and pretty much knew nothing about her! When they finally let us leave and we got home, everyone was asleep except Jonathan and Ethan. We squeezed little sis into the 12 month pjs that Jonathan had run out and bought while they waited, and we went to bed. Little brother would be dropped off sometime the next day.

I didn't sleep much that night. I lay in the bed next to the crib and listened to her breathing and worried.

The next morning the kids were all excited to meet little sister and we got to witness the first of many of her melt downs. More on that later...Around lunch time 2 caseworkers brought little brother "home". My first thought when he walked in the door was that the kid looked like trouble! The caseworkers spent just a few minutes getting filled in our little sister's condition and brought in a bunch of garbage bags filled with the kid's clothes. Then they left and I was officially a mom of 6!

Despite the way little brother looked that first afternoon, he is a sweet little guy! Well...big guy. He's huge like his sister! He's well behaved and slept like a champ from the start. It didn't take long for us to all fall in love with him and his beautiful smile! He's a very loving little boy and he fits right in.

Little sister has had some issues. Health wise she was feeling better in a couple of days, but she would have long lasting tantrums that could only be stopped by giving her a bottle and sometimes not even then. The smallest thing would set her off and she would just start screaming. If  I picked her up and tried to sooth her, she would throw herself back and scream louder. If  I set her down, she would throw herself  back and have what I can best describe as a temper tantrum. At 10 months she ate almost no table food and still wanted a bottle every few hrs. When I could get her to eat table food, she would literally scream between every bite. Not because she didn't want it but because...I'm not really sure why. She would eat each bite like she was enjoying it but as soon as it was swallowed she would scream and have a fit. She was up multiple times at night, could not easily be soothed, and she had no attachment to us at all. At church she would go to anyone who reached for her.

She was a very angry child. Cold. I told her pediatrician (she takes care of all the county's foster kids) that I had never seen another child act the way she did and she assured me that her behavior is very common with foster children.

Part Two

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Disney On Ice presents Princesses and Heroes Review

Last night I took my youngest 3 kids to see Disney On Ice presents Princesses and Heroes at the Blue Cross Arena. It had been kind of a hard day around here so It was a perfect way to get the kids out of the house and get their mind off things for a while.

We've been lucky to have seen a bunch of previous Disney on ice shows that have come to Rochester but this was by far our favorite! The special effects were better, the skating was beautiful, and Elsa and Anna were there! 

You should have heard the audience cheering when the characters from Frozen started to show up! The best part of the show for me was hearing the crowd singing along to Let It Go and all the other favorite songs from Frozen! It was so cute to see dads singing right along with their little girls.

All the favorite Disney princesses and heroes were in the show. My boys really loved the part when Prince Phillip slayed the dragon which wasn't a surprise since there was fire and sword fighting going on!

If you have a chance to go see Disney On Ice presents Princesses and Heroes do it! It really is the best one yet.

Date and Time of Performance:               
Feb. 4, 2015: 7 p.m.
Feb. 5, 2015: 7 p.m.
Feb. 6, 2015: 7 p.m.
Feb. 7, 2015: 11 a.m.3 and 7 p.m.
Feb. 8, 2015: 11 a.m. and 3 p.m.

Tickets start at: 
To order tickets by phone: 1-800-745-3000
To order tickets online: www.ticketmaster.com

*Tickets were provided to me by Feld Entertainment

Monday, December 15, 2014

Foster Care Update: We're Licensed and Our First Placement Call

Last Saturday was crazy busy! Jonathan was working and I had a ton of running around to do. At one point, I brought the gang home for a quick lunch before we had to head out again. After sending the kids to the van I walked by the mailbox and noticed a fat manila envelope shoved inside. Inside was a few papers to sign including a copy of our homestudy and OUR LICENSE!! We are officially licensed foster parents! I thought we wouldn't be licensed until we had gone into the office to meet our new caseworker so I was really surprised when it just showed up in my mailbox on a busy Saturday afternoon! I took the envelope with me to the van so I could re-read it all later and called Jonathan with the news.

That was Saturday....

On Monday I received an email from our caseworker congratulating us on getting our license and telling me that we are now in their system and could get a call for foster kids starting now. Jonathan came home for lunch that day and we tried to guess how long it would be until we got our first call. We both guessed it would be in the next couple of weeks. A couple hrs. later I laid down for a nap and woke up to see that he had texted me saying someone from home finding (the people who match kids with foster parents) had called him looking for me. Apparently, even after all the pages of paperwork that we've filled out, they somehow didn't have my correct cell phone number. At first my heart stopped but then I realized that they probably just had more questions for me so I called her back and left a message on her voice mail with my correct cell number.

In less than 5 minutes she called me back. She said they had a possible placement for us. 2 kids under the age of 2. She asked if we'd be willing to take them. At this point I think my heart really did skip a beat! I told her we'd love to have them and she said they'd get back to us soon.

That was Monday night...

After not hearing anything more on Monday and not sleeping much that night, I emailed our caseworker telling her about the call. Mostly I wanted to know if they would update us or if I was just supposed to figure if they didn't call back then the kids weren't coming. She called me soon after with an update. The kids were already in a foster home that wasn't working out but they were trying to work with the currant foster parents to keep them there. She said they'd update me by the end of the week. But until they knew if they would use us, they put a hold on our home so no one else could call us about other placements. Our caseworker said it's because they don't have a lot of homes that will take 2 kids and that are still open.

That may have been the longest week ever!..

By Friday I was a little stressed! If we did get the kids then I knew we needed to go buy some things but I didn't want to jump the gun before we knew for sure. Finally the kid's caseworker called to tell me that they worked it all out and the kids were staying where they were. I was a little disappointed but after all the praying we did I was OK with whatever God had in mind.


Today I had a lazy day. I think I finally caught the cold my kids have been passing around and I'm not feeling 100%  We homeschooled and I cleaned up the kitchen but that was pretty much it. Then the phone rang and it was home finding again! I think I may have said, "No way!" out loud before I answered!! They were calling to see if we'd take a 1 year old. Again, I said yes. Again, they said they'd get back to me. So I jumped in the shower (I was still in my pjs) and started to get the house ready just in case. This time I only waited a couple of hrs. before they called back to say a relative had taken the child. Another false alarm :(

This week has really been a whirlwind of emotions! I'm sort of thankful for these almost placements though because I've learned a couple of things.

#1 It's nice not to have any control over who and when foster kids will come into our home. I've put all my trust in God and I'll be OK with whatever He does.

#2 I think we'll have a placement soon. As in maybe by the end of this week. But if they call it doesn't mean anything sure. I probably won't believe it until I have a child in my arms.

#3 Maybe I should start every morning by cleaning up the house a bit instead of waiting until after school like I usually do. That way there won't be such a big rush when they call.

And now we wait...

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Heat Holders Hat and Gloves Review

The cold weather has arrived which means I'll be complaining about being cold until may :/  It seems like no matter what I do, I can't get warm! If it was socially acceptable I would walk around all winter wrapped in a blanket. I'll probably end up being one of those old ladies that don't leave the house in the winter. Or maybe I'll get lucky and win the lotto and move to Florida for half the year ;)

Heat Holders

The people from Heat Holders were kind enough to send me a pair of gloves and hat to review.

Heat Holders gloves are the most comfortable gloves I've ever owned. For real! Their web site says they have newly developed heat weaver thermal lining. I say, it feels like my fingers are all wrapped up in their own mini blankets! My son tried them on too and now he keeps trying to claim them as his own. He said the gloves' extra long cuffs were perfect for protecting his wrists when he was outside shoveling.

The hat is super warm and cozy. The fur-like lining is sooo soft! My little model didn't want to take it off!

*Why do my kids always try and steal all my stuff?!

I think my husband who may be missing a little hair would love a Heat Holders hat! And I would love not having to see him in his ugly Green Bay Packers hat any more :)

Check out the Heat holders web site for other things like sock, tights, and blankets.

Foster Care Update: Last Home Visit

I was so nervous for this last home visit! I knew our case worker would want a tour of our home so I wanted everything perfect. But trying to keep my house clean with 4 kids is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos! I have a love hate relationship with home visits. The time we spend preparing the house is crazy and stressful for all of us. But I loooove throwing away things and decluttering! The house always looks so nice when we've finished...For about an hour :/

For this visit, we had a check list from Ms. F of things we needed to fix/buy. A couple things we needed were carbon monoxide detector on each floor and  smoke detectors in each bedroom. Let me tell you, that was not cheap! With 4 floors and 5 bedrooms, we spent over $100 on just those.

Other things on the list were a crib, bed, waterproof mattress pad, and an infant car seat. One of my creepy kids asked if they could pee on the mattress pad to see if it works :/

One of my sweet friends made a blanket for the crib. 
Despite my kid's attempts at sabotaging me, I had the house all ready for Ms. F's visit. The home visit was waaaay easier than I thought! We spent the first half talking and going over a little more paperwork before she toured the house and she spent some time talking to the kids. We showed he each room (including the basement) and went over a few different scenarios for sleeping arrangements. *We have a room set up with a twin bed and crib but would have to move things around a bit depending on the age and sex of the foster kids.

I'd rather be over prepared than under prepared, but she didn't even check most of the things that other foster parents online had warned about. She was thorough, but not nitpicky and said that everything looked perfect :)

Ms. F is only our caseworker in this part of our process and then she passes us off to our next one. I'm really going to miss her! She has been very helpful and is more than willing to answer all of our questions. She said that we can call her even after she passes us on and I most likely will take her up on that.

So our last home visit is finished and Ms. F said she would have our home study written and finished by the week of Thanksgiving!

Before I got a chance to finish this post, Ms. F sent us a copy of our finished home study to go over. We fixed a few small things like the age of our kids and sent it back the next day. Now I'm waiting for her to call and set up an appointment for us to go into the office to meet our new caseworker and the matchers *The people who match the foster children with the foster parents. That's all supposed to happen this week and after that we will be completely licensed!!!